Updated: January 13, 2021
Friends are one of life’s greatest treasures. We love them and would do everything we can to help them in times of need.
However, we sometimes get “that friend” who takes advantage of us financially, especially when they know that we make more money than them.
They’re not necessarily bad friends. In fact, most of them are fun and easy to get along with. Moreover, they can be quite loyal, and always ready to take and defend your side in an argument.
And thus, it becomes really hard for us to call them out on their bad and seemingly manipulative habit.
So how do you make them stop taking advantage of your good nature and your savings? Here are some tips.
They’re the ones who go to the restroom when you get the bill in the restaurant. Sometimes, they don’t order at all, hoping you’d take pity and just pay for their meal, or coffee, or movie tickets, or wherever you are.
In return, they make sure the group has fun. They crack jokes and share interesting stories. They do this so you don’t feel manipulated or abused into paying for the nth time.
- “Wala pa akong sweldo. Pwedeng ikaw muna ang sagot?”
- “Gusto kong sumama, kaso wala akong pera. Libre mo naman ako, please?”
- “Sagot ko na ang kwento. Libre niyo lang ako.”
It’s okay to treat friends once in a while. But if it has become a habit, then you need to tell them how you feel about it, especially if they actually have a source of income or receive a regular allowance.
To be more diplomatic, you can first ask them if they’re having financial troubles because you noticed that they often don’t have money to spend when you go out.
If they are, then that may be the root of the problem. And you can now help them find a long-term solution to their financial woes.
If it turns out that they simply believe that you can afford it anyway because you make more money, then be honest and say it makes you feel uncomfortable. Then together, try to work out how things can change.
Sometimes, it helps to let them decide where to eat whenever you dine out. This makes sure that they’ll pick a place that’s within their budget.
More often than not, it also helps to remind them that you won’t be able to treat them beforehand.
And don’t feel guilty about leaving them out on occasion, because hopefully, that could serve as a wake-up call for them to take their finances more seriously.
They’re not really freeloaders, but they seemingly have this habit of having no cash in their wallets. They’ll ask you to cover for them first, and promises to pay you later, but they never do.
Sometimes, they do pay you back but not equally. They treat you to coffee and then call it even. Never mind the fact that the meal you paid for them costs twice as much.
- “Kailangan ko pala mag-withdraw. Pabayad muna, bayaran kita mamaya.”
- “Offline mga ATM. Ikaw na lang muna. Bayaran kita bukas.”
- “Pwedeng ikaw muna? Treat ko na lang ‘yung coffee and dessert mamaya.”
It’s okay to tolerate this on a few occasions. But once you feel that you’re being manipulated into treating them often, then it’s time to confront them about it.
As always, a private and honest conversation is necessary to sort things out. And I’ve known cases when the friend wasn’t really aware of their bad habit.
To lessen or avoid this from happening, you can remind them to check their wallet for cash and withdraw money if necessary, before you meet up. This sends a strong signal that you’re expecting them to pay for themselves later.
Lastly, if they’re the type who pays you back unequally, then there’s nothing wrong with being straightforward and say that they still owe you because your treat costs more.
Lastly, we all know this friend who’s always having financial troubles and likes to borrow money. Because you consider yourself a good friend, you lend them money, even if it means compromising your own budget.
Helping a friend in need is important. But lending them money is not always the right way to help them, especially if the root of the problem is how they handle their finances.
- “Kapos ako ngayon. Pwedeng makahiram? Bayaran kita sa sweldo.”
- “Wala pa akong sweldo. Hihiram sana ako. Ngayon lang naman.”
- “May extra ka ba? Hihiram sana ako pambayad lang ng kuryente namin.”
I already have an article on how to handle friends who borrow money. You can read that to get comprehensive advice on how to deal with them.
But the most important thing to remember here is that always assume that you’re not going to be paid back. This means you shouldn’t lend money that you cannot afford to lose.
Now how do you politely decline? That’s another thing you will learn from that article, which you can read here: Handling Friends Who Borrow Money
They say that it’s better to give than to receive. I agree.
But there’s a difference between someone who needs help and someone who’s simply taking advantage of your generosity.
More importantly, always helping a friend who is in financial need can sometimes turn you into an enabler and create an abusive codependent relationship. This will do more harm than good to both of you in the long term.
So always remember — be generous, but for the right reasons and at the right circumstance.