Fast forward a few years, and now I am married expecting our first child, and extended family in the Philippines have heard through the grapevine and my husband and I are doing very well. We make a decent living, but I believe most of our properity comes from having a strict budget, making sacrifices and planning for the future.

So what angers me the most, because we plan and save for an uncertain future, it is assumed because we don’t live paycheck to paycheck, we should be in a position to share our savings. I have found that all of the relatives who are asking us for money, including relatives that live in the US, are in have financial burdens because of poor planning. From my observation, those most in need usually don’t ask. They make more sacrifices to make ends meet.

If you need money for food or rent, why do you own a designer bag or go on fancy vacations or gamble at casinos.

I have savings because I sacrifice by having a very small spending budget, I make my meals at home or buy in bulk using coupons. I do not understand that if I am able to make these sacrifices, why cannot others make the same sacrifices?

We have given a lot of money and resources to our family, but it seems that they are aleays in need giving them money has only made them dependent on our income. I will admit, saying no to family sends me into a guilt driven stressful state. Then I realize, I don’t need to ask for money from others because we plan, save and make sacrifices. I am glad to see other Filipinos feel the same way.

I am very sad to have to refuse my cousins, but when I see them with iPhones I have to remind myself they made the choice for the TV or the phone over saving or necessities.

Those that are trying to get money will try every avenue, they will play the ‘family’ card, the ‘kids’ card and the ‘religion’ card all trying to get to you, after making their own messes time and time again. Some bleeding hearts go for it, and those are the ones that get hit up most.

My Good Book says ‘Bank of America’ on the front.

Thanks for this post. Sometimes I feel guilty for being resentful of my cousin who keeps abusing my mom’s generosity. She has habitually “borrowed” money from my mom, even promising to pay her back, but she never has. She has also “borrowed” money from my older brother, but he knows better than to expect the “borrowed” money to be returned. Several years ago, my cousin put a haphazard business plan together and requested my mom to finance the project. I was away, abroad when this happened, so I wasn’t aware of it. I found out a couple of years later that my irresponsible cousin took a vacation the first week of business on a trip to the beach and treated her friends to parties. She left the business with an in-law who naturally did not have the business’ best interests at heart. Needless to stay, the business went kaput and she has not paid my mom back. In fact, she is allowing my mom to support her child’s schooling, parties (yes, her child has to have parties to keep up with De la Cruzes), and who knows whatever else. I have asked my mom to ask for the school’s vouchers and pay the school directly, but I don’t think she has done so. She texts my mom every other week, to ask for money. My mom’s old already and she is set to retire soon. I don’t know how long my cousin will keep on doing this! My mom actually worries about her and wonders where my cousin will borrow from next.

I can’t control my mom’s attitudes towards my cousin. They can afford to lend my cousin money. My dad even says, “At least we’re in the position to lend; be thankful to God that we are not on the borrowing side of things.” He has a point. However, I feel they must draw the line between being charitable and being enabling. I probably would feel better if my cousin LISTENED to my mom’s advice, but she never does. Can you believe that? After all the generosity my mom has shown her, she has the gall to disrespect her that way. My relationship with my cousin is cordial at best.

Anyway, from reading your post, I can say that in the same situation, I probably would have acted the same way as my mom. I may have lived in a culture where people are more assertive (US), but I think I’m prone to spinelessness like my mother is. However, I believe it is time to break the cycle.

Unlike my mom, I do not have the means to support anyone else’s abuse. I am not really struggling financially, but I am only starting out and do not have enough money to lend. It hasn’t happened yet, but if my cousin asks me for money, I will know how to respond. Thanks again.

God bless.