How To Make Friends Pay Back The Money They Owe You
This article is posted under Life Lessons.A friend asks if he could borrow money from you. He promises to pay by next month. You, being a good friend, loaned him some cash to help ease his financial burdens.
That was a month ago and now, your friend is avoiding you. Whenever you get a chance to talk to him regarding his loan, he would give you an excuse about not having enough money yet and promises to pay you back as soon as possible.
This cycle could go on for several months. As a result, the friendship slowly turns sour and feelings get hurt. What used to be a great relationship becomes an emotional burden. Each month that the loan remains unpaid, you lose more hope on getting your money back. Consequently, feelings of anger and resentment towards your friend begins to consume you.
Is this situation familiar to you? If you were this person, how would you make your friend pay back what he owes? In your life, have you ever experienced ending a friendship because of money? How did you handle it?
Many times in our life, we would be asked by a family member or a friend if they could borrow some money. Reasons may differ but almost always, it’s our intention to be a good friend that moves us to extend a helping hand.
Neither a borrower nor a lender be.
This is a famous line from Shakespeare’s Hamlet. Although I don’t totally subscribe to this advise, it does make a good point, doesn’t it? I remember a few months back, I wrote an article here on what to do when friends are trying to borrow money from you. Do you remember that post?
Anyway, in that article, I said that you should only lend out money which you can afford to lose. So if you find yourself having a difficult time getting paid back, then you can just let go. Yes, just forget about the loan.
Assess your financial situation and determine if you really need the money. If not, then it might be wiser to just let go. Forget about the money and take the lesson instead. Let go of the anger, don’t blame yourself for being so trusting and move on.
Of course you shouldn’t give up and let go without trying to resolve the situation. Here are some of the things you can do to make friends pay back the money they owe you.
Give reminders
Remind them about the loan a few days before his promised date of payment. Don’t feel awkward in doing this. A friendly email or a simple text message telling him that you need the money he promised for a personal obligation will not appear rude at all.
Set a specific date for the payment
When your friend fails to pay on the agreed day. Ask for a specific date when he can finally pay. Don’t take vague responses such as “next week” or “as soon as I get this money I’m expecting.” Also, the new date should be at most, two or three weeks away. Anything longer might encourage your friend to procrastinate in coming up with the money. And again, remind him about the loan a few days before the payment date.
Set a serious talk
In my opinion, when your friend is trying to delay the payment for the third time, the best thing to do is to sit down and have a serious and honest talk about the situation. Be straightforward and calm. Sincerely ask him the reason why he’s having a hard time meeting the payment deadline. Don’t be emotional during this talk. Instead, maintain a straight face and objectively offer him options such as:
- Giving partial or staggered payments in shorter intervals (this amount every week, etc.)
- Paying you in kind such as giving you things he owns with the same value (suggest what you want in exchange, but be reasonable)
- Doing some errands such as buying your weekly groceries (at least you get to save some of your personal time instead)
- Other options such as working part time in your business is also possible (just be creative and try to arrive at a compromise)
Should you pursue legal action?
If the money involved is a large sum and your friend is really being uncooperative. You can consider taking legal action. But before you do, I advise that you rethink everything and determine if it’s really worth it.
Your friend is innocent until proven guilty, which means you would have to substantiate evidence that he has indeed borrowed money from you and promised to pay it back. Fortunately, verbal agreements can be binding in the absence of a written contract although this evidence tends to be weak in court. Also, do consider that the law is complicated and anything could happen in the end.
What happens to the friendship?
It’s totally up to you to decide if you’ll still remain as friends after everything that has happened. Despite the fact that I’ve already seen so many friendships end because of money, I’ve also witnessed a handful who were able to survive this unpleasant experience and continue with the friendship as if it never happened.
How about you? What are your thoughts regarding this matter? What else would you advise someone who’s having difficulties with unpaid loans from friends? Please give them below as a comment and let’s share ideas.
Lastly, if you’d like to receive more life lessons about money, then please subscribe to Ready To Be Rich.
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Photo courtesy of go-bunny
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This article has been featured in the 175th Carnival of Personal Finance. Check it out and read more great articles.
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Hi, my name is Fitz and this is my blog on personal finance.
this article was great kuya, thanks for tips mukhang kakailanganin q to, hehehe,
Well, I think this is more common to us Filipinos as we are known to be “magaling makisama”. We easily lend money to our friends, neighbors and worst, relatives. I must admit I also borrow sometimes….he! he! he! But of course, I already paid them.
Anyway, I think not paying to debts has many valid reasons and it is up to both to settle their issue in a friendly way. After all, I think this is a good way to test the authenticity of their friendship.
When I got my Seperation Pay about 3 weeks ago, my “friends” increased rapidly since some of them thought I got rich. Although I lend some of them, I choose them carefully based on necessity and capability and hopefully, I did not make a mistake.
My advise, take the risk to help others and trust them as long as it is really necessary. Being a GOOD SAMARITAN pays off, as it is better than we are the ones who cannot pay.
Someday, they will pay you maybe not by money, but by good deeds.
Thanks!
Fitz,
I really appreciate this post. I think another thing that you can give away that can be just as bad as money is time. I felt that I have often given this away to business partners or other people I have friendships with only to not receive something in return. That sounds super selfish, but when you ask that person for something when you need help it would only be the right thing to do.
I have realized that you have to move forward and continue to make money or make your time more effective because you can’t control others in the end (minus legal action which can waste more time). I think that is why it is so important to be goal oriented and driven. I preach that on my site http://writetoright.com. It is hard to live by it. Thanks for all the good points. I look forward to more articles. Let me know if you want to do a link trade.
@Gusher
No problem. Mukhang maraming may utang sa iyo ah.
@Angel
Thanks for sharing your story. I agree, some people, specially Pinoys, find it hard to say no because of “pakikisama”. I personally think that there’s nothing wrong in helping others financially as long as it doesn’t take you at risk. Just know your personal limits when lending money to friends.
@Cade
You’re absolutely right. Time is also a resource that we should be aware not to give too much of to others unless we can afford it. Thanks for sharing this thought and good luck on your blog. I’ve seen and subscribed to it. Hoping to see more interesting posts there.
Great post and some sound advice. Dealing with friends over money can be a very hard thing to do. The emotional element is what makes it hard. By asking for your money back you somehow feel that you are being a bad friend.
It’s not easy.
As a girl, in junior high and high school, it was clothing.
Now, as an adult, it’s money. I absolutely enjoyed this post. Who hasn’t found themselves in this situation? I learned my lesson a few times (too many); but one situation sticks out in my head. I loaned one of my lovely, and dear friends $300 to help her pay for her rent. I should have known not to–the girl had serious disposable income, a girl with no money has no business owning Prada, Gucci, Chloe, or Pucci, unless she did, right? I loaned her the money anyway. I never saw the money again. I blew it off–she was spending unbelievable amounts to be a bridesmaid in my destination wedding, so I figured it was a wash.
However, I since moved away from that city and when I came back for a visit, she let me stay with her. She treated me to two dinners. AND she gave me one of her expensive designer dresses (worth well over $300) that she never wore (tags still attached).
Summary: Our friendship was worth so much more than $300. She’s bad with money–I shouldn’t bare the burden–but I know that now. She has not asked me to loan her money since. I think she knows better to not jeopardize our friendship.
Lucky me, lahat ng pinapautang ko, nagbabayad. Hahaha!
I lent $2000 to a friend in Jan 2008 when she was undergoing some financial difficutlies. In Jan 2009 I asked her to payback the money, not all at once, but in installments. She claimed that the IRS was garnishing her paycheck and she was barely making ends meet. I plan to ask her to start making payments again next month. She hasnt broken ties with me or avoided me. But she has a poor credit history and I am very afraid that I will never see the money again( The IRS had to garnish her paycheck to get what was owed to them in the first place!) Right now I am unemployed and though my husband has an income, we could definetely use the $2000 which was ours in the first place!
I honestly think I have been patient for long enough and really hope she does not take blatant advantage of my kindness.
Thank you everyone for sharing your stories. It’s really much appreciated.
What really pisses me off about some friends is assuming that you don’t really need the money they owe. They believe you earn well enough to do away with the money
I think it is utterly irresponsible of friends to be reminded of what they owe you. It’s a lot pleasing for the friend to, once in a while, mention the fact that he owes you, and that he is trying to pay you back.
Forgetting about the money owed can be hard. I have a couple of friends owing me some money. The individual amounts are small, but all add up to good money that I can use.
nahihiya akong maningil.
Kasi ako pag may utang nagbabayad kagad ako, hindi ako makatulog pag may utang ako sa iba. That’s why i expect my friends to be the same with me too.
Lesson learned talaga ang dami kong ganyan lalo na sa relatives na mas matatanda pa sakin. And I agree with you, you only lend money you can afford to lose. Para pag hindi nabayaran di sasama ang loob mo.
this page is a good way to get back the money my friends owe me.
it is very irresponsible for friends that ask for money, and when you are kind to give them, thay wont give you back.they say a bunch of f*ucking excuses and in the end, some people give back, some dont. we should never lend people money unless you are willing to part with it or u trust that person. my friends owe my money and they keep saying “end of this month” “everyday five $2″ but they never.
Very good article
,
I really can see my own problems in this.
i just read this post
i lend my friend around £13.000
i let her stay with me for 3 month with no paying £0.01 becuase she sold her house and she lost evrything.
I help her as much as i can. done evything for her
the money which she lent with promes that will get back in 2-3 weeks
she start being very bad to me and all my friends
so i ask her to leave my flat, i cant stand this any more.
i lern that never lend money to a friend and im shure that i will be have a lot of provblems to get the money back
Oh oh this sounds like me.
I’ve had friends ask me to spot them several times. They always seem to forget to pay me back even though when they ask me to spot them they say they will pay me back right away. I’ve been put on the spot to pay for them. I have a hard time saying “no” besides they make me feel like I can’t say “no” because they are going to pay me back right away. It’s rare they actually do pay me back. Sometimes they forget and then later ask to borrow again. It’s very hard to say “no”. Any ideas on how to say no from the beginning w/out coming across mean or untrusting?
Use the web site at http://www.PayMePlz.com to send automatic email, sms and voice reminders to people who owe you money.
I have a friend who is always broke when it comes to paying me back. He says his salary vanishes the day it arrives.
Still he always has the money to buy the best brand of clothes, phone, car accessories, and even booked flat in the best township.
Its not the loss of money that pinches me, its the question if he considers me a friend or an idiot. I hate being used. I also happen to be the one who pays all the time be it parking tickets, restaraunts and so one. I mean if I want such friends, they better be girls !!!
Its been about 3 years since I lent him that money but now I am reminding him more frequently and I hope I get the money back in a week.
THIS HAPPENED LAST YEAR AND I STILL DONT HAVE IT!
it all started when i sent my ‘friend’ £75 via internet banking for a car battery and several minutes later it turned out he didn’t need it afterall. as a good friend i avoided the situation hoping he’d pay me back because its the right thing to do!!!!!!!!!!!
several days later still no money back… i text him about it but he ignores me, i go round his house and he never brings it up (i dont want to because im the good friend!)
WHY CANT PEOPLE PAY BACK MONEY! ITS THE RIGHT THING TO DO, ITS NOT YOUR MONEY ITS MY MONEY! NOT PAYING BACK MONEY FROM FRIENDS IS AS WORSE AS A THIEF TAKING YOOUR MONEY! ITS DISGUSTING!!
IT PROVES HOW MUCH MY FRIEND THINKS OF ME! – A BIG STEAMING PYLE OF POO!
it feels good to know that im not alone on this one..
i dont wanna lend money anymore, i felt like
i was taken advantage of.. they will keep on pestering you
until you give them money and then pretends to be suffering from
amnesia the next day. damn it. >.<